WELL? IS IT TIME?
The Average Length of Doctors' Careers
by Barbara Bean-Mellinger; Updated June 29, 2018
Studies show that physicians weigh many factors in considering when to retire. Of course, how financially secure they feel is part of the decision. However, since physicians are among the highest paid workers in the U.S., with median* salaries over $208,000, finances aren’t as much an issue, as they are to the average worker. It turns out that, after putting so much time and dedication into their careers, it’s difficult for physicians to know when to retire.
Financial Security
Naturally, physicians want to wait to retire until they feel financially secure. But, in a survey of physicians commissioned by Comp Health, 83 percent said they felt prepared financially, or had a plan in place and were confident their plan would make them financially secure at retirement age. Other studies confirmed their financial security. They are concerned about possibly having to scale down their lifestyle, but as a group, physicians feel financially prepared. So, the decision is about much more than money.
Joy of the Job
The fact is, most physicians are passionate about their jobs, even late into their careers, and they feel that they are still able to make valuable contributions, according to a survey by Physicians Practice. They put a lot of effort into their education and acquiring skills through the years, and they don’t want to leave that behind. The survey contacted physicians in family practice, emergency medicine, psychiatry, OB/GYN and surgeons. Many said they would miss the social aspects of work, of interacting with their co-workers and patients. The Comp Health survey revealed that as they worry about staying competitive, they’re also concerned about being bored in retirement, of losing their sense of purpose and becoming depressed.
Hard to Keep Up
Yet, physicians find that it’s hard to keep up on all the advancements and changes in medicine, according to an article in Wall Street Physician. As they get older, their health declines, as does everyone's health, and they may find that they’re slower and suffer greater fatigue than in earlier years, simply from the rigors of the job. In the Physicians Practice survey, 51 percent said they’d like to transition to part-time hours before retiring completely. Available data, though, from the American Medical Association of physicians who are active in their fields, doesn’t distinguish between full-time and part-time work. So, it’s tough to tell how many physicians actually work part-time before they retire.
Looking for Balance
The shortage of physicians has caused most to work long hours throughout their careers, missing out on many aspects of their non-work lives. As they reflect on this, many say if they had it to do over, they would insist on more work/life balance. They recognize that if they retired, they’d have the time to spend with family and to take up hobbies.
Average Retirement Age
Physicians in the Physicians Practice survey said they’d like to work until age 68. A 2016 report by the American Academy of Family Physicians found that, between 2010 and 2014, primary care physicians retired at an average age of 65. They found no difference between those who worked in various areas of the country or in other medical specialties. In the general U.S. population, people say they hope to work until age 65, but the average age for retirement is 63. So, physicians are working longer than the average American.
Length of Career
After four years of college, another four years of medical school, and between three and seven years spent in internships, depending on their chosen specialty, it takes between 11 and 16 years to become a full-fledged physician. Assuming that they entered college at age 18, this means that they begin their solo careers between the ages of 29 and 34. Therefore, assuming that he or she retires at the age of 65, the average length of a physician’s career is between 31 and 36 years.
*A median salary is the midpoint in a list of salaries for one occupation, with half earning more and half earning less.
Should older doctors be examined, tested or
forced to retire?
Ronnie Cohen
At 81, Dr. Frank Stockdale continues to see breast cancer patients and believes he offers them the wisdom and knowledge from his more than 50 years of oncology practice.
But a new review of the literature on aging physicians questions the competency to practice of older physicians like Stockdale. The report in JAMA Surgery recommends that healthcare organizations develop protocols for testing doctors of a certain - though undetermined - age for health and competence.
“This is clearly a discriminatory policy if you pick an age to test,” said Stockdale, a professor at the Stanford University School of Medicine in Stanford, California, who was not involved in the review.
Lead author Dr. E. Patchen Dellinger, professor of surgery at the University of Washington in Seattle, does not know what age is the right age to begin testing doctors, he said in a phone interview. But the 73-year-old surgeon believes he and other doctors should willingly submit to physical examinations and cognitive testing. And he has.
“The point is you need to have good cognitive function to practice,” he said. “There’s a lot of resistance to being tested. And yet we accept it. Pilots accept it. As pilots control the fates of their passengers, surgeons control the fate of their patients.”
The medical community has grappled with the question of whether to test aging physicians, particularly surgeons, for two decades, if not longer. But the graying of the nation’s physicians has energized the debate over their health and competence.
During the past four decades, the number of practicing U.S. doctors who were at least 65 years old more than quadrupled. By 2015, nearly one in four physicians were 65 or older, the authors write.
Dr. Paul Schenarts, a trauma surgeon and professor at the University of Nebraska College of Medicine in Omaha, agrees with the authors of the review that a program for testing aging physicians should be implemented.
“Something new and different should be done,” Schenarts, who was not involved with the review, said in an email. “It is a well-known paradox that the surgeon with the greatest experience may be the one putting patients at the greatest risk.”
Though federal law prohibits age discrimination, commercial pilots are required to retire before 65, and starting at 40, they must submit to more-frequent medical examinations than younger pilots.
Previous studies of a possible link between doctors’ ages and clinical performance found mixed results. While some showed patients more likely to die from cardiovascular procedures performed by older surgeons, others showed patients were more vulnerable at the hands of younger surgeons.
Using a cognition test called a MicroCog, one prior study examined doctors alongside people outside the profession. Doctors scored better than others, but cognition scores for everyone in the study declined with age. Researchers found significant variability in older physicians’ scores, with some demonstrating fully intact cognitive ability and others showing dramatic declines.
Stockdale discounted the MicroCog as incapable of judging a physician’s ability to practice and said he knew of no test that could appropriately examine a doctor’s cognitive ability to practice medicine.
“The major problem is what is the test for cognition,” he said in a phone interview. “You have to have an instrument that’s been shown to correlate with our work task.”
In 2012, Stanford, where Stockdale practices, proposed cognitive testing for doctors 74.5 years and older. Stockdale protested the policy, which was tabled.
But that doesn’t mean Stanford isn’t monitoring its physicians, he said. They, along with physicians in hospitals throughout the nation, are evaluated every six to nine months and constantly subjected to the scrutiny of their coworkers, patients and oversight committees, he said.
“If I were demented, I can tell you I’d last about a week before every nurse and medical student noticed,” Stockdale said.
“Physicians of all ages are injuring patients,” he said. “We should be testing everybody at all ages for their competence. It shouldn’t be because you’re 65.”
Appealing though all-age testing might be, Schenarts called it “completely impractical” and said he too did not know at what age to start.
A 78-year-old doctor might be fully functioning, he said, whereas a 62-year-old might be in decline.
Ideally, an independent third party from outside the area would conduct testing and peer review, he said.
“The difficulty with local peer review is that there is the possibility that a group of young surgeons may have an incentive to declare an older surgeon is no longer capable,” Schenarts said. “While I personally feel this is unlikely, the potential is a real concern for older surgeons.”
SOURCE: bit.ly/2wQb9IA JAMA Surgery, online July 19, 2017.
When should physicians retire?
WALL STREET PHYSICIAN, MD | FINANCE | JANUARY 22, 2018
So what are the factors that determine when a physician retires?
When do physicians retire?
Before we look into the reasons why people choose to retire, let’s look at the data to see when physicians actually retire.
According to a study from the AAFP, the average physician retired at 67 in 1995, compared to age 70 in 1980, and a more recent study from 2016 of family physicians showed the average retirement age from clinical medicine to be 64.9 years.
A survey by 3DHealthInc conducted in 2016 found that the average physician planned to retire at age 66, with over 80% of respondents saying they would retire between age 60 and 70. So while the early retirement movement is growing, it certainly hasn’t gained widespread adoption among physicians.
According to a systematic review of physician retirement planning papers, the average expected retirement age was lower than the average actual retirement age among physicians. Some physicians are not able to pull the trigger on retirement as early as they had planned.
Reasons for retirement
Age
One reason to retire is simply reaching a certain age. For some, age 65 is a magic number. For others, it might be 62, or 67, or 70.
Some physicians will choose to retire even if they haven’t fully reached their retirement number if they can afford to have a lower retirement lifestyle. After all, time is a non-renewable resource.
Net worth
Other physicians have a target retirement number in mind. You might start with a target retirement lifestyle, and then use the 4% rule to work backwards and calculate how much money you’ll need in retirement to live that lifestyle. If it takes longer than expected to reach that number, then people might choose to work longer.
If the stock market does really well, as it has over the past 10 years, some physicians may choose to retire earlier than age 65. Other physicians may even choose to retire very early, including in their 40s.
On the other end of the spectrum, if the stock market takes a big tumble right before their planned retirement dates, many physicians will delay their retirement, working to rebuild their nest eggs while the stock market recovers. Many physicians did just that in 2007-2009 when the S&P 500 fell more than 50% from its peak.
Some participants on Student Doctor Network attribute the delayed retirement in radiologists as a contributor to the significant tightening of the resident job market in the early 2010s. This backlog caused almost every radiology resident to do one (or more) fellowships to get a job.
Since then, the radiology job market has improved — possibly because the stock market has risen and allowed more radiologists to finally reach their retirement numbers and quit.
Ability/health
Medicine is hard and is constantly changing. Physicians are expected to keep up with the latest literature. New drugs, treatments, and technologies are introduced every year. If physicians do not keep up with the changes in medicine, their abilities will decline.
For some physicians, their health declines over the years. Surgeons might find it difficult to do long surgeries as they get older. Even physicians who work in an outpatient setting may eventually slow down to a point where they cannot continue to work.
Some physicians are diagnosed with an acute or chronic illness that might impair their ability to work. This may require them to leave the workplace earlier than they expected. If they become disabled, hopefully, they will have purchased disability insurance when they were young and healthy.
Remember that all of the assumptions with the 4% rule were designed with a 30-year retirement in mind. If you are diagnosed with a life-limiting illness that might make your retirement significantly shorter than 30 years, then you won’t need 25x annual expenses to make it through your abbreviated retirement.
Don’t be like the professional athlete when it comes to retirement
Whatever your reason(s) to retire, the goal is to do it on your own terms.
Athletes are notorious for staying in the game for too long. They always think they still have it, even though their skills have noticeably declined. They often are kicked out of the league because of poor performance, not because they didn’t want to play anymore.
Financial independence gives you the option to retire on your terms
When you achieve financial independence, you get to decide when you retire. Unless you get hit with a big bear market right before your planned retirement date, you can choose to retire when you want, and don’t have to work longer than you have to. By becoming financially independent earlier in life, you don’t have to face a situation where your skills/health decline to a point where you are kicked out of the profession like a professional athlete.
Every athlete wants to ride off into the sunset, at the peak of their abilities and having no regrets about their career. Achieving early financial independence can enable you to do that with your career.
What do you think?
When do you plan to retire?
Will it be based on your age, reaching a target retirement number, or a combination of both?
Are You Emotionally Ready to Retire?
Eight Questions to Ask Yourself
Too many people leave work too early or too late. It doesn’t have to be this way.
It’s one of the most-important decisions many of us will ever make. And we often get it wrong.
I’m talking about retirement—and specifically, when to do it. If you are lucky enough to be able to determine your own retirement date, be grateful that this change is not being forced upon you. But also be aware that it isn’t a simple decision. Many of us know friends who thought they were emotionally ready but later regretted having retired. And we know colleagues who thought they were not ready, and then got sick or died young, filled with regret that they had missed out on a phase of life that could have been wonderful.
It doesn’t have to be this way. After seeing hundreds of individuals and couples in psychotherapy over many years, and writing a book on retirement, I believe that retirement-timing mistakes can be the exception rather than the rule. The key is to know what questions to ask yourself—and how to understand the answers.
To that end, here are eight questions that I think can make all the difference:
1: Every Sunday night, as I anticipate returning to work, do I look forward to finishing tasks, seeing friends and colleagues, and perhaps learning something new? Or do I dread another week of tedious tasks and difficult people?
To answer this takes a little soul-searching, especially after decades of simply accepting your weekly routine. But if you pay attention to your gut feelings at the end of the weekend, or at the end of a vacation, you’ll know whether your stomach is in an unhappy knot with worry, a happy knot with anticipation, or somewhere in between.
One CEO, whom I saw weekly from ages 59 to 69, had been in his position for 18 years. Although he would tell you he loved his job, he hated the angst he felt at the office every day—especially on Mondays.
Over time, he realized that he was hanging onto work as his refuge—the place where he found success and recognition—to avoid confronting issues he had at home.
People were shocked when he announced his retirement at age 67 because they thought he had nothing else in his life. But he knew the decision was right for him. For the next two years I saw him learn and grow and find other sources of happiness with his family. His stomach had told him what his mind was unable to see.
2: By this age, you should know what resources you need to live on and what you will have in income and savings for your retirement years.
But people sometimes screw up, or circumstances screw them up. Maybe they (or a financial adviser) mismanaged their nest egg. Maybe the market collapses in a totally unexpected way just after they stop working. The unknowns are unknown.
So it’s a useful exercise to imagine cutting expenses if you ever have to. How might your life change in that way, and how would you feel about that? Are you emotionally prepared for it, or would it be best to keep working, at least for a while?
What do my already-retired friends, relatives and colleagues think?
You are unique, yes, but you can learn a lot from people you know and trust.
In my experience, seeking the advice of trusted friends is particularly important for successful women, who are prone to second-guess themselves and feel insecure about next steps, especially when it comes to retirement. They have often worked harder than men to establish their success, and the job has given them identity and independence. They think they will go crazy without work. But almost all are surprised how much they love retirement, how quickly they fill up their time with meaningful projects, and how much better they feel when they control their own time.
I have one friend who loved her job, and while she wanted to make some kind of change when she turned 65, she feared she would suffer a recurrence of her lifelong depression if she left work and had nothing to do.
Her husband advised her to continue working. Instead, she got a group of professional women friends together, and they told her: “Do it now! You’ll be glad you did.”
Their encouragement gave her the courage to see that she was ready for retirement—even if her fear didn’t allow her to see that. She found volunteer work with a political candidate she admired, she started speaking at schools about career choices, and she started discussion groups at the local YWCA, helping others make the retirement decisions that had been so hard for her.
3: Would I like part-time work for a more gradual retirement, or is “cold turkey” better for me? Is part-time work even realistic in my field?
The easiest emotional transition away from full-time work is sometimes a part-time or consulting contract, either with a new company or with your existing employer. It’s a question many would-be retirees should be asking themselves.
It often works well, allowing a retiree to test the waters if they aren’t absolutely sure it’s the right time to leave the workforce completely. But people need to do their homework before they assume the answer is yes. I saw in therapy a former chief financial officer who at 66 wasn’t quite ready to retire fully. So he took a job handling the books for another company. He learned within the first week how different that system was from his old one, how upset he felt when he couldn’t quickly pick up nuances from his underlings and how angry he got when his boss criticized him. He quit within one month.
Although in the end it turned out well—thanks, in part, to therapy, which helped him to improve his marriage and understand the possibilities in retirement—it was a traumatic period that could have been avoided had he answered this question with more care.
4: Do I have hobbies or interests that could fill my time? Is there volunteer work that I’d like to do?
Some people are so consumed with hobbies already that they barely have time to work, while others have never had a hobby and doubt that they can think of anything in retirement. But being able to answer this question in the affirmative is often crucial: The most successful retirees seem to need either part-time volunteer work or hobbies that they love and that keep them busy.
Still, people who assume they would like volunteer work would do well to explore the idea fully before answering this question. If you fall in love with the concept of a volunteer job, it’s a good sign you’re ready to make the big move.
But it is entirely possible that you’ll find it tedious—especially if you’ve been a boss during your career. It is often a shock to offer your time, and then be asked to stuff envelopes or work in a boring gift shop. Or you may be honored to be asked to be on a nonprofit board, but then walk into a hornet’s nest of infighting that you had thought you had left behind in your old job. You may also find that a large financial contribution is expected.
5: What friends do I have now that involve neither my career nor my partner?
This is a question that men, in particular, need to ask themselves.
People seldom think about which work friendships will continue in their postretirement life. In fact, they have no idea whether their co-workers are really friends or not. They are often shocked in retirement when they call former co-workers for lunch and are told “no.” Also, men have a tendency to think that their wife’s friends are their own; they are not. There is a famous quote: I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.
In fact, a survey I did with groups I spoke to showed that on the question of “Who is you best friend?” more than 60% of men said “my wife,” while less than 20% of women said “my husband.” Friendship is not as easy for most men as it is for most women. Men think it’s a compliment to name their wife as best friend, but it’s really not. We all need best friends as well as spouses/partners.
So before retiring, think hard about whether you’re going to have those social connections that most of us crave and need to stay healthy, whether we think we do or not.
6: What role is my partner playing in my decision about retirement?
The decision should be yours as much as possible. You don’t want to blame your partner if things go wrong, as tempting as that will be.
Nevertheless, it is hugely important to understand the motivation behind your partner’s advice on whether you should retire. Is she already retired and pushing me to be more available? Is he getting ready to retire and doesn’t want to be bored at home alone?
Your relationship will thrive much more in retirement if you both know not only each other’s surface meanings but also the deep feelings involved. In other words, this question is important as a catalyst to a conversation—a lot of conversations—so that there are no surprises after the fact. Once one of you retires, a lot of those conversations that never took place when work was a refuge are suddenly on the table. It is much easier to have those conversations earlier rather than later.
I counseled one couple for four years. They were the same age, both accomplished and working in jobs they enjoyed. They had friends who were planning a year in Paris, and then a year in London. He decided it was time to retire and assumed she would feel the same. He was shocked when she said she wanted to work for another five years.
The repercussions were ugly. He accused her of ruining their lives, and their children all took his side. But she held her ground. Despite the pressure, she just wasn’t ready. After much discussion in therapy, they came to an understanding: He was ready and she was not. He came up with other interests to pursue while she worked, and they agreed they might spend two years abroad when she retires. They are still happily married and she hasn’t retired yet.
7: I am often asked whether couples should retire together or at different times.
There are good individual reasons for each position, but I generally recommend that husbands retire first. This may happen naturally because women are usually younger and have gotten serious about their career later. In that case, husbands who have never learned to cook or clean or organize the home have time to learn these skills and then share more equally in these tasks after both are retired.
8: Do my partner and I have similar ideas about travel or where we want to live in retirement?
In my survey, the No. 1 reason people felt they might divorce after retirement was because they wanted to live in different places and have different lifestyles—the woman often wanting to be near grandchildren; the man wanting sun and sports. This is a difficult area in which to find compromise. But asking yourself whether you’re on the same page before retirement is a crucial first step, rather than just assuming you are seeing things alike. It could have a big effect on whether you decide you’re emotionally ready for retirement.
Similarly, travel can be another deal breaker if not talked about ahead of time.
A man I know has always loved to ski. After he and his partner retired, he became obsessed with planning trips to exotic ski destinations. But his partner wasn’t on board, preferring to play tennis and lie on beaches in warm climates. Their arguments grew more fierce. My turn/your turn didn’t work because they were both unhappy half the time. Finally, they tried separate vacations. Fortunately, that has worked like a charm—for now, anyway.
Had they asked themselves this question ahead of time, had they talked it out calmly when it was still in the future, they would have saved themselves a lot of angst and a near-breakup. They might have come to their separate-vacation solution earlier. Or one or both might have decided that, in fact, they weren’t ready for retirement.
Retirement is wonderful, but it can also be difficult. “Am I ready?” is an emotional journey into yourself, as well as an assessment of your situation. There will be no perfect decision, but you’ll fare better if you consider all of the options carefully.
There is usually some excitement in every new stage of life. After raising kids and working hard and doing the best we can, this is the first time that most of us have had total control over our lives. It can be the best time ever—time to learn a lot about ourself, finally “growing whole” in so many ways. Are you ready for that?
Dr. Vandervelde is a psychologist in Seattle and author of six books, including “Retirement for Two.” She can be reached at reports@wsj.com.
Eight Questions to Ask Yourself
Too many people leave work too early or too late. It doesn’t have to be this way.
It’s one of the most-important decisions many of us will ever make. And we often get it wrong.
I’m talking about retirement—and specifically, when to do it. If you are lucky enough to be able to determine your own retirement date, be grateful that this change is not being forced upon you. But also be aware that it isn’t a simple decision. Many of us know friends who thought they were emotionally ready but later regretted having retired. And we know colleagues who thought they were not ready, and then got sick or died young, filled with regret that they had missed out on a phase of life that could have been wonderful.
It doesn’t have to be this way. After seeing hundreds of individuals and couples in psychotherapy over many years, and writing a book on retirement, I believe that retirement-timing mistakes can be the exception rather than the rule. The key is to know what questions to ask yourself—and how to understand the answers.
To that end, here are eight questions that I think can make all the difference:
1: Every Sunday night, as I anticipate returning to work, do I look forward to finishing tasks, seeing friends and colleagues, and perhaps learning something new? Or do I dread another week of tedious tasks and difficult people?
To answer this takes a little soul-searching, especially after decades of simply accepting your weekly routine. But if you pay attention to your gut feelings at the end of the weekend, or at the end of a vacation, you’ll know whether your stomach is in an unhappy knot with worry, a happy knot with anticipation, or somewhere in between.
One CEO, whom I saw weekly from ages 59 to 69, had been in his position for 18 years. Although he would tell you he loved his job, he hated the angst he felt at the office every day—especially on Mondays.
Over time, he realized that he was hanging onto work as his refuge—the place where he found success and recognition—to avoid confronting issues he had at home.
People were shocked when he announced his retirement at age 67 because they thought he had nothing else in his life. But he knew the decision was right for him. For the next two years I saw him learn and grow and find other sources of happiness with his family. His stomach had told him what his mind was unable to see.
2: By this age, you should know what resources you need to live on and what you will have in income and savings for your retirement years.
But people sometimes screw up, or circumstances screw them up. Maybe they (or a financial adviser) mismanaged their nest egg. Maybe the market collapses in a totally unexpected way just after they stop working. The unknowns are unknown.
So it’s a useful exercise to imagine cutting expenses if you ever have to. How might your life change in that way, and how would you feel about that? Are you emotionally prepared for it, or would it be best to keep working, at least for a while?
What do my already-retired friends, relatives and colleagues think?
You are unique, yes, but you can learn a lot from people you know and trust.
In my experience, seeking the advice of trusted friends is particularly important for successful women, who are prone to second-guess themselves and feel insecure about next steps, especially when it comes to retirement. They have often worked harder than men to establish their success, and the job has given them identity and independence. They think they will go crazy without work. But almost all are surprised how much they love retirement, how quickly they fill up their time with meaningful projects, and how much better they feel when they control their own time.
I have one friend who loved her job, and while she wanted to make some kind of change when she turned 65, she feared she would suffer a recurrence of her lifelong depression if she left work and had nothing to do.
Her husband advised her to continue working. Instead, she got a group of professional women friends together, and they told her: “Do it now! You’ll be glad you did.”
Their encouragement gave her the courage to see that she was ready for retirement—even if her fear didn’t allow her to see that. She found volunteer work with a political candidate she admired, she started speaking at schools about career choices, and she started discussion groups at the local YWCA, helping others make the retirement decisions that had been so hard for her.
3: Would I like part-time work for a more gradual retirement, or is “cold turkey” better for me? Is part-time work even realistic in my field?
The easiest emotional transition away from full-time work is sometimes a part-time or consulting contract, either with a new company or with your existing employer. It’s a question many would-be retirees should be asking themselves.
It often works well, allowing a retiree to test the waters if they aren’t absolutely sure it’s the right time to leave the workforce completely. But people need to do their homework before they assume the answer is yes. I saw in therapy a former chief financial officer who at 66 wasn’t quite ready to retire fully. So he took a job handling the books for another company. He learned within the first week how different that system was from his old one, how upset he felt when he couldn’t quickly pick up nuances from his underlings and how angry he got when his boss criticized him. He quit within one month.
Although in the end it turned out well—thanks, in part, to therapy, which helped him to improve his marriage and understand the possibilities in retirement—it was a traumatic period that could have been avoided had he answered this question with more care.
4: Do I have hobbies or interests that could fill my time? Is there volunteer work that I’d like to do?
Some people are so consumed with hobbies already that they barely have time to work, while others have never had a hobby and doubt that they can think of anything in retirement. But being able to answer this question in the affirmative is often crucial: The most successful retirees seem to need either part-time volunteer work or hobbies that they love and that keep them busy.
Still, people who assume they would like volunteer work would do well to explore the idea fully before answering this question. If you fall in love with the concept of a volunteer job, it’s a good sign you’re ready to make the big move.
But it is entirely possible that you’ll find it tedious—especially if you’ve been a boss during your career. It is often a shock to offer your time, and then be asked to stuff envelopes or work in a boring gift shop. Or you may be honored to be asked to be on a nonprofit board, but then walk into a hornet’s nest of infighting that you had thought you had left behind in your old job. You may also find that a large financial contribution is expected.
5: What friends do I have now that involve neither my career nor my partner?
This is a question that men, in particular, need to ask themselves.
People seldom think about which work friendships will continue in their postretirement life. In fact, they have no idea whether their co-workers are really friends or not. They are often shocked in retirement when they call former co-workers for lunch and are told “no.” Also, men have a tendency to think that their wife’s friends are their own; they are not. There is a famous quote: I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.
In fact, a survey I did with groups I spoke to showed that on the question of “Who is you best friend?” more than 60% of men said “my wife,” while less than 20% of women said “my husband.” Friendship is not as easy for most men as it is for most women. Men think it’s a compliment to name their wife as best friend, but it’s really not. We all need best friends as well as spouses/partners.
So before retiring, think hard about whether you’re going to have those social connections that most of us crave and need to stay healthy, whether we think we do or not.
6: What role is my partner playing in my decision about retirement?
The decision should be yours as much as possible. You don’t want to blame your partner if things go wrong, as tempting as that will be.
Nevertheless, it is hugely important to understand the motivation behind your partner’s advice on whether you should retire. Is she already retired and pushing me to be more available? Is he getting ready to retire and doesn’t want to be bored at home alone?
Your relationship will thrive much more in retirement if you both know not only each other’s surface meanings but also the deep feelings involved. In other words, this question is important as a catalyst to a conversation—a lot of conversations—so that there are no surprises after the fact. Once one of you retires, a lot of those conversations that never took place when work was a refuge are suddenly on the table. It is much easier to have those conversations earlier rather than later.
I counseled one couple for four years. They were the same age, both accomplished and working in jobs they enjoyed. They had friends who were planning a year in Paris, and then a year in London. He decided it was time to retire and assumed she would feel the same. He was shocked when she said she wanted to work for another five years.
The repercussions were ugly. He accused her of ruining their lives, and their children all took his side. But she held her ground. Despite the pressure, she just wasn’t ready. After much discussion in therapy, they came to an understanding: He was ready and she was not. He came up with other interests to pursue while she worked, and they agreed they might spend two years abroad when she retires. They are still happily married and she hasn’t retired yet.
7: I am often asked whether couples should retire together or at different times.
There are good individual reasons for each position, but I generally recommend that husbands retire first. This may happen naturally because women are usually younger and have gotten serious about their career later. In that case, husbands who have never learned to cook or clean or organize the home have time to learn these skills and then share more equally in these tasks after both are retired.
8: Do my partner and I have similar ideas about travel or where we want to live in retirement?
In my survey, the No. 1 reason people felt they might divorce after retirement was because they wanted to live in different places and have different lifestyles—the woman often wanting to be near grandchildren; the man wanting sun and sports. This is a difficult area in which to find compromise. But asking yourself whether you’re on the same page before retirement is a crucial first step, rather than just assuming you are seeing things alike. It could have a big effect on whether you decide you’re emotionally ready for retirement.
Similarly, travel can be another deal breaker if not talked about ahead of time.
A man I know has always loved to ski. After he and his partner retired, he became obsessed with planning trips to exotic ski destinations. But his partner wasn’t on board, preferring to play tennis and lie on beaches in warm climates. Their arguments grew more fierce. My turn/your turn didn’t work because they were both unhappy half the time. Finally, they tried separate vacations. Fortunately, that has worked like a charm—for now, anyway.
Had they asked themselves this question ahead of time, had they talked it out calmly when it was still in the future, they would have saved themselves a lot of angst and a near-breakup. They might have come to their separate-vacation solution earlier. Or one or both might have decided that, in fact, they weren’t ready for retirement.
Retirement is wonderful, but it can also be difficult. “Am I ready?” is an emotional journey into yourself, as well as an assessment of your situation. There will be no perfect decision, but you’ll fare better if you consider all of the options carefully.
There is usually some excitement in every new stage of life. After raising kids and working hard and doing the best we can, this is the first time that most of us have had total control over our lives. It can be the best time ever—time to learn a lot about ourself, finally “growing whole” in so many ways. Are you ready for that?
Dr. Vandervelde is a psychologist in Seattle and author of six books, including “Retirement for Two.” She can be reached at reports@wsj.com.
SOME GOOD ADVICE FOR FOLKS OUR AGE...................
1. It’s time to use the money you saved up. Use it and enjoy it. Don’t just keep it for those who may have no notion of the sacrifices you made to get it. Remember there is nothing more dangerous than a son or daughter-in-law with big ideas for your hard-earned capital. Warning: This is also a bad time for investments, even if it seems wonderful or fool-proof. They only bring problems and worries. This is a time for you to enjoy some peace and quiet.
2. Stop worrying about the financial situation of your children and grandchildren, and don’t feel bad spending your money on yourself. You’ve taken care of them for many years, and you’ve taught them what you could. You gave them an education, food, shelter and support. The responsibility is now theirs to earn their own money.
3. Keep a healthy life, without great physical effort. Do moderate exercise (like walking every day), eat well and get your sleep. It’s easy to become sick, and it gets harder to remain healthy. That is why you need to keep yourself in good shape and be aware of your medical and physical needs. Keep in touch with your doctor, do tests even when you’re feeling well. Stay informed.
4. Always buy the best, most beautiful items for your significant other. The key goal is to enjoy your money with your partner. One day one of you will miss the other, and the money will not provide any comfort then, enjoy it together.
5. Don’t stress over the little things. You’ve already overcome so much in your life. You have good memories and bad ones, but the important thing is the present. Don’t let the past drag you down and don’t let the future frighten you. Feel good in the now. Small issues will soon be forgotten.
6. Regardless of age, always keep love alive. Love your partner, love life, love your family, love your neighbor and remember: “A man is not old as long as he has intelligence and affection.”
7. Be proud, both inside and out. Don’t stop going to your hair salon or barber, do your nails, go to the dermatologist and the dentist, keep your perfumes and creams well stocked. When you are well-maintained on the outside, it seeps in, making you feel proud and strong.
8. Don’t lose sight of fashion trends for your age, but keep your own sense of style. There’s nothing worse than an older person trying to wear the current fashion among youngsters. You’ve developed your own sense of what looks good on you – keep it and be proud of it. It’s part of who you are.
9. ALWAYS stay up-to-date. Read newspapers, watch the news. Go online and read what people are saying. Make sure you have an active email account and try to use some of those social networks. You’ll be surprised what old friends you’ll meet. Keeping in touch with what is going on and with the people you know is important at any age.
10. Respect the younger generation and their opinions. They may not have the same ideals as you, but they are the future, and will take the world in their direction. Give advice, not criticism, and try to remind them that yesterday’s wisdom still applies today.
11. Never use the phrase: “In my time.” Your time is now. As long as you’re alive, you are part of this time. You may have been younger, but you are still you now, having fun and enjoying life.
12. Some people embrace their golden years, while others become bitter and surly. Life is too short to waste your days on the latter. Spend your time with positive, cheerful people, it’ll rub off on you and your days will seem that much better. Spending your time with bitter people will make you older and harder to be around.
13. Do not surrender to the temptation of living with your children or grandchildren (if you have a financial choice, that is). Sure, being surrounded by family sounds great, but we all need our privacy. They need theirs and you need yours. If you’ve lost your partner (our deepest condolences), then find a person to move in with you and help out. Even then, do so only if you feel you really need the help or do not want to live alone.
14. Don’t abandon your hobbies. If you don’t have any, make new ones. You can travel, hike, cook, read, dance. You can adopt a cat or a dog, grow a garden, play cards, checkers, chess, dominoes, golf. You can paint, volunteer or just collect certain items. Find something you like and spend some real time having fun with it.
15. Even if you don’t feel like it, try to accept invitations. Baptisms, graduations, birthdays, weddings, conferences. Try to go. Get out of the house, meet people you haven’t seen in a while, experience something new (or something old). But don’t get upset when you’re not invited. Some events are limited by resources, and not everyone can be hosted. The important thing is to leave the house from time to time. Go to museums, go walk through a field. Get out there.
16. Be a conversationalist. Talk less and listen more. Some people go on and on about the past, not caring if their listeners are really interested. That’s a great way of reducing their desire to speak with you. Listen first and answer questions, but don’t go off into long stories unless asked to. Speak in courteous tones and try not to complain or criticize too much unless you really need to. Try to accept situations as they are. Everyone is going through the same things, and people have a low tolerance for hearing complaints. Always find some good things to say as well.
17. Pain and discomfort go hand in hand with getting older. Try not to dwell on them but accept them as a part of the cycle of life we’re all going through. Try to minimize them in your mind. They are not who you are, they are something that life added to you. If they become your entire focus, you lose sight of the person you used to be.
18. If you’ve been offended by someone – forgive them. If you’ve offended someone - apologize. Don’t drag around resentment with you. It only serves to make you sad and bitter. It doesn’t matter who was right. Someone once said: “Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Don’t take that poison. Forgive, forget and move on with your life.
19. If you have a strong belief, savor it. But don’t waste your time trying to convince others. They will make their own choices no matter what you tell them, and it will only bring you frustration. Live your faith and set an example. Live true to your beliefs and let that memory sway them.
20. Laugh. Laugh A LOT. Laugh at everything. Remember, you are one of the lucky ones. You managed to have a life, a long one. Many never get to this age, never get to experience a full life. But you did. So what’s not to laugh about? Find the humor in your situation.
21. Take no notice of what others say about you and even less notice of what they might be thinking. They’ll do it anyway, and you should have pride in yourself and what you’ve achieved. Let them talk and don’t worry. They have no idea about your history, your memories and the life you’ve lived so far. There’s still much to be written, so get busy writing and don’t waste time thinking about what others might think. Now is the time to be at rest, at peace and as happy as you can be!
Health maintenance issues that are due at THIS time of OUR lives:
- By now we all should have had at least two colonoscopic examinations and our third (and hopefully final one) coming up soon. An initial screening at age 50 (now lowered to 45) and then a repeat after 10 years, if nothing was found the first time and you have no family history of colon cancer. Screening can stop between ages 75 and 80.
- A tetanus, diphtheria AND whooping cough booster (Tdap). The whooping cough component is important because some of us may have grandchildren under the age of one who are particularly vulnerable to whooping cough. This shot is good for 10 years.
- Try to get the shingles vaccine at this stage. Our immunity starts to fall after age 60 and shingles (herpes zoster) can become a problem. The new Shingrix vaccine is available. It is a two shot deal. Two to four months apart.
- Get the pneumococcal pneumonia vaccination when you turn 65 (but sooner if you are a smoker or diabetic). Start with the Prevnar-13 and one year later get the Pneumovax-23. If you received the Pneumovax-23 first, then just reverse the order.
- Get an annual flu vaccination in the autumn/fall. At our age the high dose flu shot is indicated.
- If you are a diabetic, a smoker, have a high cholesterol or have high blood pressure, ask about getting an ultrasound of your abdomen to rule out the presence of an abdominal aortic aneurysm.
- While many of us guys have symptoms of an enlarged prostate (urinary frequency, slow diminished stream, night time urination, dribbling after completion) the current recommendation is NOT to have annual screening PSA blood tests done at our age. The risks of dealing with the results of an elevated PSA level outweigh the benefits of this test.
- We grew up in sunny South Africa and many now live in Australia, so our skin is at risk for cancerous changes. Have a thorough skin check by a dermatologist. Don't ignore changes to moles or the development of any new skin lesion.
The sunset of our careers..........
In the game of golf, the “front nine” is your entry in the competition of 18 rounds. Like life your early years are all about finding yourself or realizing what you want so you can get started living your life based upon your decisions and plans. The time after that is the actual living of your life, education, marriage, children, making money, surviving, etc.
You play the “front nine” and rest in the pocket of your choices but the “back nine” should be all of the things you have been through drawing to a conclusion and tying up all of the loose ends for either your children or joining your partner/spouse in retirement. It seems the first nine holes on a course are usually the harder ones so the last nine holes are a little easier because you made it through that front nine. The back nine is the end of the competition where you learn if you had the best score and if you played well. Some people get everything they set out to do done while others still have a lot of “figuring out” to do before they can see their lives in the light of where they are ending.
My Soul Has A Hat
A poem by Mario de Andrade
I counted my years and realized that I have less time to live by than I have lived so far.
I feel like a child who won a pack of candies. At first he ate them with pleasure, but when he realized that there was little left, he began to taste them intensely.
I have no time for endless meetings where the statutes, rules, procedures, and internal regulations are discussed, knowing that nothing will be done.
I no longer have the patience to stand absurd people who, despite their chronological age, have not grown up.
My time is too short: I want the essence. My spirit is in a hurry. I do not have much candy in the package anymore.
I want to live next to humans, very realistic people who know how to laugh at their mistakes and who are not inflated by their own triumphs and who take responsibility for their actions. In this way, human dignity is defended and we live in truth and honesty.
It is the essentials that make life useful. I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch the hearts of those whom hard strokes of life have learned to grow with sweet touches of the soul.
Yes, I’m in a hurry. I’m in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can give.
I do not intend to waste any of the remaining desserts. I am sure they will be exquisite, much more than those eaten so far.
My goal is to reach the end satisfied and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience.
We have two lives and the second begins when you realize you have only one.
A poem by Mario de Andrade
I counted my years and realized that I have less time to live by than I have lived so far.
I feel like a child who won a pack of candies. At first he ate them with pleasure, but when he realized that there was little left, he began to taste them intensely.
I have no time for endless meetings where the statutes, rules, procedures, and internal regulations are discussed, knowing that nothing will be done.
I no longer have the patience to stand absurd people who, despite their chronological age, have not grown up.
My time is too short: I want the essence. My spirit is in a hurry. I do not have much candy in the package anymore.
I want to live next to humans, very realistic people who know how to laugh at their mistakes and who are not inflated by their own triumphs and who take responsibility for their actions. In this way, human dignity is defended and we live in truth and honesty.
It is the essentials that make life useful. I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch the hearts of those whom hard strokes of life have learned to grow with sweet touches of the soul.
Yes, I’m in a hurry. I’m in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can give.
I do not intend to waste any of the remaining desserts. I am sure they will be exquisite, much more than those eaten so far.
My goal is to reach the end satisfied and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience.
We have two lives and the second begins when you realize you have only one.
